Episode 5: Ultimate sales gameshow

 You know what? You said something that really hurt my feelings last time because it was true. It was that the competitions I've won are the Dumb Luck competitions. The competitions you've won are the skill-based competitions. I felt mean for saying that as well actually afterwards, but it was very, it was cut so deep.

So I'm rethinking my entire career thanks to this stupid show. You're welcome. Thank you. I think it shouldn't have really taken me for you to do that. I'm glad you're, you're finally thinking about that. So I'm gonna go into game show hosting now is my new business. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's, that's my job now.

Taking my job. Can't rain's. Job. I got swapped from the wrist that one time for that. All right. I, I only have so many jobs. I need you to pull it back in a little bit. Rina, you have so many other skills and talents. Can you just let me have this? I need something. I mean, who else is gonna wear a tie on a t-shirt?

And today I did have to dress it up. You two we're mixing it up a bit. We'll be partaking in the ultimate sales game show called Sales Wars. Don. Don, Don. Let's see who can outplay the other will or Jen. We'll be playing a series of mini games that all vary from sales trivia to improv and you know, as the resident Gen Z styles, how do I say this word?

It's CZAR, guys. Oh, wow. Gen Z. Z. Do they not teach spelling? Yeah, no, they don't. Fucking T spelling. I am still learning how to read as the resident, gen Z style czar and ultimate taste connoisseur. I'll be the judge of. Each round and whoever wins the most mini games will win the episode. Now, as a reminder, it is two two.

So this could turn into a favoritism competition of who I like more, but we are going to have only one winner out at the end of this. And as a reminder, we're either donating to the puppies or to more salespeople. Are you ready to outsell, outwit and outplay each other? Let's go ahead and get into it.

Game number one is called Pitch slapped. You'll each be given a random, ridiculous, and not at all real product, and you must pitch it live on air here in 30 seconds. You'll be given no information about the product other than what it is. Points for creativity, not necessarily effectiveness. Will, you're gonna be up first.

Your product is called the stapler, spelled S-T-A-P-L-R-R. It's an AI powered stapler for SDRs. You're gonna have 30 seconds on the clock. I'm gonna pull up a timer right now. Ready? Three, two. One go. You probably have as an SDRA script, assuming that you do. Oftentimes you might have that script in a different place in the wrong place.

You might have several different scripts. You might have objection handling scorecards, but the problem is they're all on your desk in a big old pile. So when you actually need them most, you can't find them. So what? There's a prospect here, instead of a beautiful lead delivered rebuttal to an objection, they hear rustling papers, panic on the desk.

That's why we've invented the staple of two Rs Noe with our AI technology. Okay. You're done. Done. I was, I think I, I think I got it. You, you opened up from the problem. You don't even need to talk about the product. It was giving a little bit of Billy Maze, but I did, I do wish you went into it a little bit more sham.

Wow. Yeah, Jen, your product is Gole. It is Gong and Google Glass if you know what that technology is. What is Google Glass? Yeah. Okay. Way more useful product than a fucking stapler. What the shit Google Glass is? Google's wearable smart glasses. You have 30 seconds on the clock. Three, two. You get that one go.

Have you ever been sitting on a call with a really important executive and all of a sudden you realize. I haven't prepared. I have no idea what we talked about three months ago when they engaged. Well, no worries about switching your screens or opening up your documents or pulling out papers because now you can just wear these glasses and your notes will come up in the moment so you can maintain eye contact, you can maintain talk time ratio all while I'm pressing that CFO with your incredible memory.

Google Glass Googler. Jen, you were so creative. You made up your own name for your product That was. Really. Wow. Um, it was called Gole, by the way. I would buy those, you know, I wouldn't buy an AI powered stapler. Okay. Yeah. You didn't even need to do the pitch. It, it was immediately a better product. You sell a stapler, you sell a $500 pair of cat glasses that actually have a use case.

People buy that exact product. That was so nicely spread for me. Thank you. Unfortunately for you will I am gonna have to go with, yeah, could, could have Jen see that one next. We'll have to sell a sheet of paper and Jen gets to sell a fucking Mercedes. No. Yeah. I wasn't supposed to go off of, it was even more creative.

So even though you both pretty much just pitched me like Billy Mays, I don't.

All right, you two time for game number two. It's called objection rejection. In this game, we're gonna see how many common objections you can rattle off. You're gonna go back and forth, so Jen's gonna say one then will no repeats allowed. If you repeat or you take longer than five seconds to answer, you're out and you lose this round.

Are you guys ready? Let's go. Ready? All right. Jen's gonna start in 3, 2, 1. It's too expensive. I'm not interested and we don't have time to implement this. We don't have budget. We're already using something that does something similar. I'm not the right person for this. We're going through a reorg and we just don't have time to prioritize this.

Send me an email. I am losing my job and I can't spend any money. I'm in a meeting. I am about to go into a meeting. I don't take sales calls. You don't take sales calls. Okay? Um, my baby is crying and I need to tend to it. The, uh, uh, the guy in it won't buy into this one. My CEO is friends with your competitor's.

CEO. Oh, I thought this was someone else. Oh, we only had $5,000 be benchmarked for this. Call me back later. I don't think I wanna hear your voice anymore because it's annoying. Salespeople are slugs. I am bathing my dog right now, and so I need to go tend to my dog. Oh, oh, oh, sorry. Internet problems. I have other priorities that are more important than this one.

We have a solution in place for that. I have used your product before and I hated it. Your company has a horrible reputation. Um, my CFO will not allow me to spend more than $20,000 on anything right now. It's very similar to the one you used before, but that's okay. I don't remember what I said before.

I'm gonna be very honest with you. I'm, I'm just gonna accept the loss on this one because I, I, because Jen bathing, her dog is Jen mid bathing. Her dog is probably the most, Jen, I have to pick up my kids from daycare. Uh oh. Oh. Dinner's ready. Fuck. All right. All right. Just play words and be like, that's an objection.

So Jen is winning two zero right now. Will I need you to win the next two so that we can play all five games? So maybe you'll let will go first if it's gonna rig it. Uh, Chad, if you're gonna make us sell another product, can I have the good one all you two? It's time for game three. This one is called Cold Call Karaoke.

I hope you did your vocal exercises this morning. In this game, you each have to cold call using a random tone or character voice. You are going to select a well known. Fellow LinkedIn creator in your contacts and call them pretending to pitch close Will. You're gonna be calling them as if you're a movie trailer.

Voiceover, Jen, you're gonna be calling them as an as MR whisperer. Fuck. So Will, how easier again will you're up first this time. Go ahead, choose a fellow LinkedIn creator and give him a call. Please don't say anything stupid.

Alright, I find another one. This. So good. I hope he doesn't say something nasty. Um, all right, so I'm just pitching close a SMR

Damnit. Who was it? Pick up? Who was your Matt Green? Matt Green. Okay. I'm gonna try and have one. All right. I'm trying Nate as Israel, me. He's busy.

Oh my gosh. Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm good. You sound different. I'm different because I've discovered close the world's leading c rm. Oh my goodness. Tell me more about it. You have a power dialer. You have all of your contacts in one place. It's better than anything you've ever used before.

Uh, when, when can I get an invoice? Can I end this now? Nate, you're the frequent best. We're doing a Will versus Jen show. We had to randomly call an amazing influencer, which is always gonna be you. You were Jen's. 12th choice. Fantastic. Meanwhile, fuck you. Now, we might have a default here. No, sh sh.

Your unemployed friend won't even answer the phone. Unbelievable. It is a motherfucker this summer. Your CRM is doing too much. Sales CRMs are no longer billed for salespeople, and that's why you better be ready for close. Okay, I'm ready for close coming soon. Do you wanna buy it? Just say, yeah, just, Hey, there you go.

He is closed. All right, thanks mate. Sorry. I had to do, I had to do a call to someone in my contacts on Will versus Jen movie. Yeah, you really, the 32nd option. The movie. So movie. Do the movie off and do the thing. Um, I glad it was me. Did you know the voice I was trying to do there? Did, did that land? Yeah.

Like the movie guy. Yeah, the movie guy. Yeah. There we go. It was very good, wasn't it? I'd say 90% accurate there. To be honest with you, I'm, I'm sitting here like ready to buy the fucking crm. There we go. As I said it coming soon. I appreciate you, man. Based on the commitment to the bit, I do have a winner in mind.

I do feel like there was a little more effort from Will. It was a You did a really good job. He did a great job. Yeah. Alright, you too. It is now. Two to one. Will you have to win this one to have any sort of stakes in the game right now? Jen, you could just shut him down right here. Game number four is speed jeopardy.

Alright, now that we got some laughs out of the way because we laughed so hard this episode, let's see who knows the most about sales, or at least sales related trivia. We have five jeopardy style questions after I read the question. Whoever buzzes first. Is the one that gets to answer and whoever gets the most points at the end wins this round.

Jen, you go ahead and you pick which number you want to see. Um, I'll take sales stuff for 500. Big money for 500. What was the first sales methodology will buzzed in? First, I wanna say the Sanless sales system. Will, that is incorrect. Go ahead and guess. Jen. Um, spin selling. The correct answer is the NCR primer.

You know what's horrible? Todd Caponi literally just posted about this today, standing in front of that building in Schaumburg. I read the post and I forgot it. Well, Jen. Not only were you wrong, you're also a horrible friend to talk, talk, talk, talk. No, I just have a bad memory. I'm older than everybody here.

It's all right. He appreciate you being transparent about how bad of a you are. Alright. Will go ahead and pick which one you would like to do. Let's do 400. All right. For 400 Miller Hyman Group, combined both methodology and technology and their selling method. What is the name of this methodology? The strategic selling framework.

That is correct. Yay. Yes. Jen has 400 points on the board. Will, you're gonna get, have to get two of the last ones correct to be in the game still. All right, Jen, go ahead and go pick a number. Let's keep going down. 300. All right. 300 according to SalesLoft data, adding this to your subject line leads to 12% Fewer replies Will buzzed.

First, I'm gonna go for punctuation. That is incorrect. I'm gonna go for first name. That is correct. That. Shit bull. Fuck you guys'. I'm, it looks like Jen has won this round because no matter how you add up the points, will cannot get enough points. Can't get 700. No. So thanks for playing Will versus Jen the game show Sales Wars.

And can I ask you a question? Sure. Han at the start you said, I said something last week that, uh, pretty upset you 'cause I said it uhhuh my wins. Felt very, and did you feel like you earned this one? Yeah. Are you being vulner of yourself? Mm-hmm. Will you sit at bed at night and say, yeah, I really deserve that win.

I really washing my dog deserve is not a fucking sales objection. All right? And when you shit on my parade like that, you put little things in my brain, okay? I've had 18 years of rejection. I've heard it all. I've seen it all. So just because you haven't heard that one yet, does not mean it's not.

Bullshit. Will versus Jen is now 3, 2, 4. Jen, we have one more show left. I hope you guys are here with us for the finale. Is Will gonna save his name or uh, is Jen gonna bring it home? This is such bullshit. Chelsea, we're gonna be having words Rainer,

throwing this trash. You better not, you better not in the trash. Do not do it. Do not do it. Will that, this is my favorite episode to date. No doubt.

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